Just 4 Fun

1) Pupil : Did you know that the most intelligent person is going deaf? Teacher: Really. Who is it? Pupil : Pardon. 2) Tom : How should I convey the news to my father that I've failed? David: You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year's performance repeated. 3) Teacher : Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing? Student : Brotherly love. 4) Teacher : Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers befor eating? Sam : No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook. 5) Patient : What are the chances of my recovering doctor? Doctor : One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I've treated. The others all died. 6) Teacher : " Hello boys, Remember !!! Nothing is impossible." One of the 20 Students: "Ok Sir, You please take out all the toothpaste and put it back into the tube again." 7) Teacher : " Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE ?" one Student : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the sameday sametime." 8) Teacher : " George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him ? " One Student: " Because George still had the axe in his hand." 9)One day, a little girl is sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly notices that her mother has several strands of white hair. She looks at her mother and asks, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?" Her mother says, "Well, every time you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white." The little girl thinks about this for a while and then says, "So, Mamma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?" 10)For weeks, a six-year old lad kept telling his teacher about the baby brother or sister that was expected at home. One day the mother allowed the boy to feel the movements of the unborn child. The six-year old was obviously impressed, but made no comment. Furthermore, he stopped telling his teacher about the impending event. The teacher finally sat the boy on her lap and said, "Raju whatever has become of that baby brother or sister you were expecting at home?" Raju burst into tears and confessed, "I think Mommy ate it!" 11)The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. "Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer; she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, he's a doctor.'" A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher; she's dead." 12)A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, boys, if I stood on my head the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I should turn red in the face." "Yes, ma'am," the boys said. "Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?" A little fellow shouted, "Cause your feet ain't empty." 13)Hillary Clinton died and went to heaven. As she stood in front of St.Peter at Pearly Gates, she saw a huge wall of clocks behind her. She asked, "What are all those clocks?" St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks.Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move." 14)Oh," said Hillary, "who's clock is that?" That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved indicating that she never told a lie." Who's clock is that?" That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have only moved twice telling us that Abraham only told 2 lies in his entire life. " Where's Bill's clock?"Hillaryasked. Bill's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a table fan." *********Generation *************** Once upon a time in a hot summer afternoon, a man was traversing the vast plains when he felt tired and wanted to have a nap. He found a nice mango tree with lots of branches and cool shade, laced his bag of caps beside him and went to sleep. Tired as he was, he was quickly fast asleep. When he woke up after a refreshing little nap, he found that there weren't any caps in his bag "Oh, god!", he said to himself, "Did the thieves have to find me of all the people?" But then he noticed that the mango tree was full of cute monkeys wearing colorful caps! He yelled at the monkeys and they screamed back. He made faces at them and found the monkeys to be experts at that. He threw a stone at them and they showered him with raw mangoes. "Oh god, how do I get my caps back," he said. Frustrated, he took off his own cap and slammed it on the ground. the stupid monkeys threw their caps too! Smart Mr. X didn't waste a second, collected the caps and was on his way ....... 50 Years later ...... (Current Generation) Young Mr. Y, grandson of famous Cap seller Mr. X who was also working hard at doing his family business, was going through the same jungle. After a long walk he was very tired and found a nice mango tree with lots of branches and cool shade. Mr. Y decided to rest a while and very soon was fast asleep. A few hours later, when he woke up, he realized that all the caps from his bag were gone! He started searching for the same and to his surprise found some monkeys sitting on the mango tree wearing his caps. He was frustrated and didn't know what to do. And then he remembered a story his grandfather proudly used to tell him. "Yes!!!! I can fool these monkeys!!!", said Mr. Y. "I'll make them imitate me and very soon I'll get all my caps back!" He waved at the monkeys -- the Monkeys waved at him. He blew his nose - the Monkeys blew their noses He started dancing -- the Monkeys were also dancing. He pulled his ears -- the Monkeys pulled their ears. He raised his hands -- the Monkeys raised their hands. He threw his cap on the ground .................... one of the monkeys jumped down from the tree, walked up to him, slapped him left and right and said "Idiot!!! Do you think ONLY YOU HAD A GRANDFATHER?????" Made in India *********** There was a Japanese man who came to India for sightseeing. On the last day, he hired a cab and told the driver to drive to the Airport. During the journey, a Honda drove past the taxi. Thereupon, the man leaned out of the window excitedly and yelled, "Honda, very fast! Made in Japan!. "After a while, a Toyota sped past the taxi, again, the Japanese man leaned out of the window and yelled, "Toyota, very fast! Made in Japan!" And then a Mitsubishi sped past the taxi. For the third time, the Japanese leaned out of the window and yelled, "Mitsubishi, very fast! Made in Japan!" The driver was a little angry, but he kept quiet. And this went on for quite a number of cars. Finally, the taxi came to the airport. The fare was 800 rupees. The Japanese exclaimed, "Wah... so expensive!" There upon, the driver yelled back, "Meter, very fast! Made in India!" ********** What is the question that beggars & s/w professional ask each other? Ans. Which platform are u working on? *************Woman Rule !!************* In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where their family member lay gravely ill. Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber. "I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news," he said as he surveyed the worried faces. "The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant. It's an experimental procedure, semi - risky and you will have to pay for the brain yourselves." The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a great length of time, someone asked, "Well, how much does a brain cost?" The doctor quickly responded, "£5,000 for a male brain, and £200 for a female brain." The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women, but some actually smirked. A man, unable to control his curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask, "Why is the male brain so much more?" The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and so to the entire group said, "It's just standard pricing procedure. We have to mark down the price of the female brains, because they've actually been used."